(A moth flies to the moon. Kai is inside, with a TV. Prince appears on the screen)
PRINCE: Hello Kai. So Kai, what are your plans for me? Or rather, what are your plans for the television set that appears to contain me, at present?
KAI: I am transporting the television set that seems to contain you to the Earth's moon. There I will release it on a trajectory that will ensure the television set's complete destruction in the high speed collision with the moon's surface
PRINCE: And do you think that will be the end of me?
KAI: I do not know. Perhaps it will be the end of you. Or perhaps you will be trapped on the moon. Either outcome is satisfactory
(Kai switches the TV off - but nothing happens)
PRINCE: Well I'm not as easy to get rid of as that. Before you killed me, I recall you promising to continue our little game of chess. You said that on your planet the truly committed had learned to play after death. Well, you and I are both dead, and I want to pick up the game
(The Lexx. Stan is on the pedestal, Xev is nearby)
STAN: Kai! Well, have you crashed Prince and his television view screen into a thousand million pieces on that moon yet?
XEV: Why not?
KAI: Before I killed Prince's body I promised to complete a game of chess with him
STAN: No no no no no! Kai, listen to me! Prince is evil and he is trouble. He's just got some tricky business up his sleeves you should have nothing to do with it. Look, just crash him onto the moon as quick as you can and come straight back to the Lexx, just so we can get away from this, this - stupid planet!
XEV: Right Kai, for once I totally agree with Stan. Just crash Prince onto the moon and get back to the Lexx as fast as you can
790: And I want you back in my arms right away too
KAI: Stan and Xev want me to forgo the game of chess and crash you into the moon without further delay
PRINCE: And right that they should want that! But don't you want to continue the game of chess?
KAI: I am dead. I do not have wants
PRINCE: I am also dead, and I do have wants. I want to play a game of chess, with you, and you gave your word that we would
(Kai is on the view screen on the bridge)
KAI: I gave Prince my word that I would play the game
STAN: Kai! Now just listen to me, OK? Prince is the evillest person who ever lived. His word means nothing, so your word to him shouldn't mean anything either
XEV: Kai, crash him onto the moon and get back to the Lexx, now
KAI: We will not be able to continue the game
PRINCE: I'm evil, yet I keep my word. You are not evil - how can you justify breaking yours?
KAI: I do not want to break my word. It is what Stan and Xev want me to do
PRINCE: Don't you have any will of your own?
PRINCE: We could make a deal. Play for stakes, for instance. By many definitions, you could be described as being alive. You move about, you act, you react, and yet at the same time you're actually dead. Correct?
PRINCE: And what is it that makes you dead? You're dead because you've lost your conscious self, your spirit, your essence, whatever you want to call it. Your body is a biological machine, doomed to wander the universe. Not alive, and yet not fully dead. Undead. And your conscious being, your spiritual being, is also in limbo, unable to rest. I can put these two parts of you back together, and allow you to complete your journey. If you beat me at the game of chess I will give you this - as your prize (smiles) KAI: And if I lose?
PRINCE: Xev and Stan forfeit their lives to me. Do you accept my terms?
PRINCE: Good (grins)
(The Lexx flies over the moon)
STAN: Do not do this, Kai
KAI: I want to continue the game
XEV: What do you mean, want? Kai, what's wrong with you?
STAN: I thought the dead didn't have wants
KAI: Just one
XEV: And what's that?
KAI: The dead want to be dead
(Stan takes Xev aside)
STAN: Xev, listen - Kai is acting way too weird. I think we should just turn around and go
XEV: Without him?
STAN: Well, if we have to! Listen, Kai - you get rid of Prince right now, or we are on our way out of this solar system forever and we will leave you behind
790: Out of the question!
STAN: We can leave you behind too 790, no problem
790: Oh, well that's all right then
STAN: Listen Kai, I'm serious. You play your game with Prince and we are out of here
KAI: Your leaving does not make any difference
XEV: Why not?
KAI: I agreed that if you lose the game, you will forfeit your lives to Prince
STAN: You what?!
XEV: How could you do this to us?
KAI: I will not lose. The game will be played in the Brunnen G way, in the Other Zone. The Other Zone is another time and space from this one. You will not be able to contact me, but you will be able to follow the progress of the game
KAI: You will see. Wish me luck
STAN: No, Kai, no, just - Kai!
XEV: Good luck
(Kai steers the moth away from the moon)
PRINCE: Where are we going?
KAI: This solar system is in the darkest part of the Dark Zone. It should have many - doorways, to the Other Zone. I am looking for one
PRINCE: What is this Other Zone?
KAI: The Other Zone is an unstable partial universe
PRINCE: And how do you find a doorway to it?
KAI: I have the memories of the many great man I killed. Some of them were knowledgeable in these matters
(Kai stops the moth)
PRINCE: What is it?
KAI: There. I can feel it. We are close
(Prince grins. Kai aims the moth at a patch of space, which is flickering. The moth goes halfway, all the way, disappears - reappears in the sky over a black volcanic landscape of snow covered mountains. Prince appears on the ground, holds his arms up as the moth lands nearby. Kai gets out, walks over to Prince. There is a large square table there. Prince takes the lid off to reveal a chess board)
STAN: That's it, Xev. We go, right now, we just leave Kai
XEV: Kai said that leaving wouldn't make any difference - and he never lies
STAN: Why is he doing this?! Why is he playing with our lives?
XEV: He said that he wouldn't lose
STAN: Yeah? Well what if he does? What happens to us?
PRINCE: Shall we continue our previous game, or would you like to start a new one?
KAI: As our previous game was not being played for stakes I believe we should start a new one
PRINCE: Very well, I will allow you that. But I must choose the colour
KAI: Choose the colour?
PRINCE: I choose white. White always moves first and therefore I have the advantage of course. You see? I'm already ahead of you
KAI: It does not matter, as I will defeat you
PRINCE: (chuckles) Shall we begin?
(They move around to stand on the correct side of the board. The chess pieces transform, becoming the heads of various Lexx characters:
BLACK - King Kai, Queen Xev, Bishop Time Prophet, Knight Stan, Rook 790
The pawns are moth breeders
WHITE - King Prince, Queen Bunny, Bishop Vlad, Knight Priest, Rook His Divine Shadow
The pawns are ATF agents
There are levers and handles around the board. As they are pressed, squares open allowing the pieces to move on pillars. There are glimpses of cogs underneath, and clanking noises
I don't play chess, so if you find any mistakes let me know. Looking from White's side, the rows are 1-8 going towards Black, and A-H going from left to right)
Move 1 - WP to E4
BR790: Boring opening move. He is clearly going for control of the centre, which you of course will not let happen - will you Kai?
(The pieces and players can hear each other. Kai leans over, looks into box, makes his move)
Move 2 - BP to E5
BNSTAN: Help me out here. What exactly is going on in this game?
BKKAI: The object of the game is to defeat or checkmate the enemy king, which in our case is Prince
BNSTAN: Ha! We're gonna defeat and checkmate you!
WKPRINCE: You wish! I'm sorry, but I will not be defeated. Prince is a far more experienced player than Kai, and will beat him - but not before having destroyed most of Kai's pieces, including you, along the way
WKPRINCE: You'll see. Quite amusing when it happens
BNSTAN: You been a piece in this game before?
WKPRINCE: Many times. It's one of Prince's favourite ploys, to lure one of his enemies into a game that he cannot hope to win. Many have tried, but he has never been defeated
BQXEV: Kai is a Brunnen G warrior turned into a Divine Assassin. He's designed to fight. He'll defeat you
WNPRIEST: But look! My prince is making his second move. I'm sure it will be brilliant
Move 3 - WB to C4
(The bishop moves below the squares - just the cross on the headdress showing)
(Prince and Kai are now sitting on folding metal chairs - and the board has changed location. They are now on snow-covered grass)
WBVLAD: Yes - bring me right out into the centre, where I can slaughter the black pieces who dare to come out
Move 4 - BB to C5
WBVLAD: What an original move
WKPRINCE: Your mighty Brunnen G warrior is exactly duplicating all our moves! What a clever strategy (laughs) BNSTAN: You do have a better plan than copying Prince's moves, don't ya Kai?
(The board is now on damp earth, by grassy rocks, with mist blowing behind)
PRINCE: So, do you have any understanding of the game of chess, or am I going to defeat you in a matter of a few moves?
KAI: I do not have a deep understanding of chess, as I have only played one incomplete game with you. But my brain was altered by bioscholars on the Cluster to deal efficiently with situations involving strategy and counterstrategy, such as this, so I will defeat you
Move 5 - WQ to E2
WQBUNNY: Hi guys. I'm the White Queen. I think I can go any direction that I want
BNSTAN: Bunny queen - you won't attack any of us, will you? You're a nice girl, aren't you?
WQBUNNY: No, no - I don't want to attack anybody - but I'm not exactly sure I can control what I do
Move 6 - BN to F6
BNSTAN: That's right Kai - send out your best troops
WBVLAD: That's a sensible strategy - but you are not doing it. Look behind you - you've blocked your own queen from getting out, whereas our queen is well-positioned to inflict damage
WKPRINCE: And we all know queens are the most dangerous pieces on the board
BQXEV: Kai, let me out! I wanna do some damage to them!
Move 7 - WP to D3
BNSTAN: Ha! Two Stanley knights on the move! Better run for your lives, whiteys! Ha ha!
Move 8 - BN to C6
Move 9 - WP to C3
Move 10 - BN to E7
(BN hums as he moves. The knight is a vaguely horse-shaped metal cylinder, with a gap underneath so they can move over the other pieces, with a mace just above it)
WKPRINCE: That's a bold move. Retreating before you even have to
BNSTAN: I'm only strengthening our centre
Move 11 - WP to F4
BR790: Hey, white pawn! Yes, you. You've just been sacrificed
WQBUNNY: Yeah! What's a sacrifice?
WBVLAD: A sacrifice is when a player deliberately gives up one of his own pieces to gain another advantage. For instance, Prince has clearly moved our pawn into this position, to seduce Kai into taking it. But to take it would be to remove a critical black pawn from the centre, weakening Kai's defence
WNPRIEST: So, my prince has made a most clever move. If Kai takes the white pawn, he will lose control of the centre. If he does not take it, Prince will certainly take the black pawn and be one piece ahead, and established in a dangerously forward position. Either choice is to Prince's advantage
BQXEV: Kai, please let me out of here! I'm your most powerful piece, and I really wanna kick some white ass!
(The board is now on a bare stretch of dark earth)
Move 12 - BP to F4 - takes WP
(BP has an axe, which splits WP's head in two. Blood splashes out, and then the piece disappears, allowing BP to take its place)
BR790: Finally, some action!
WBVLAD: We just lost a pawn
WNPRIEST: And you've just lost the game!
WBVLAD: And look - I've got a straight line on the black pawn. Hey black pawn - you are all alone out there, and you are as good as dead!
WKPRINCE: All in all a very bad move, Kai! I can't believe he fell for that so easily. We're now in a very superior position. I predict that he'll resign in a few moves
BR790: You're down a piece and trying to put a positive spin on it
WKPRINCE: Don't be ridiculous. Prince chose to sacrifice his pawn in the hope that Kai would do precisely what he did. The game is now very much to our advantage
PRINCE: This game mirrors the larger game that you and I have been playing since we met, don't you think?
KAI: It does not mirror the larger game, it is the final battle. If I lose, Stan and Xev forfeit their lives to you
PRINCE: That's a very good outcome, for me
Move 13 - WP to D4
BBTIME: Kai! You can see this, can't you? As a bishop, I'd rather not be taken by a lowly pawn
WNPRIEST: Let me take her! I'm tired of hanging back here
Move 14 - BB to B6
BBTIME: Thank you Kai!
WKPRINCE: Now that's what I call a cowardly move. Your position is bad therefore you should have tried something bold
WNPRIEST: In the game of chess you're either going forward or backward - it's much like a real war in that regard. If you go backward you tend to lose. To win, you must attack. You, are not attacking
WKPRINCE: Which means you're not winning
WNPRIEST: You're coming second
WKPRINCE: And there are only two players!
BNSTAN: We are not coming in second
BNSTAN: We're strengthening our position, right Kai?
Move 15 - WB to F4 - takes BP
WBVLAD: Ha ha! Finally, time for your blessing - from my axe!
(WB's axe splits BP's head)
(On the Lexx, Xev is standing up, stretching her arms out, when her right hand just fades away)
XEV: My hand! What's happening to my hand?!
STAN: Oh no. He's losing the game!
XEV: I want my hand back!
STAN: Come back here right now, just end the game!
Move 16 - BP to D6
WKPRINCE: Another bold move from the Brunnen G warrior
WBVLAD: Your one pawn advantage is gone. White controls the centre. I'd say this game is over
WKPRINCE: I'd have to agree. Bunny queen?
WQBUNNY: It looks bad for you
WKPRIEST: Oh bad, worse than bad. Black has lost the centre, it's time for Black to resign
WHITES: Resign! Resign! Resign! Resign!
BQXEV: We don't have to resign, do we?
BKKAI: No. Our position does not appear to be advantageous, but as I am not threatened with checkmate and most of our pieces remain on the board, to resign now would be premature
BNSTAN: Well, you're full of confidence
BKKAI: We are all just chess pieces in a continuum and can only think inside the box. But I know that it is harder to defend than to attack. However, I am confident that Kai will choose the right moves for me
BNSTAN: Kai, start playing better, I don't wanna lose!
BQXEV: Kai will win, I know it
(The board is now by a lake, mountains reflecting in the water. Prince twirls around)
WKPRINCE: Now, let's see what my master has up his sleeve
(Prince turns his chair around, sits down, makes his move)
Move 17 - WB to D3
BNSTAN: (sarcastic) Now that's a bold move
WBVLAD: It's an excellent move. We are building the centre into a solid wall through which you will never pass
Move 18 - BN to G6
WNPRIEST: We are over here! Woo hoo! What are you trying to do, retreat into the corner?
Move 19 - WB to E3
BNSTAN: Another bold move! (laughs)
WBVLAD: It's sensible. We are ahead. Our defensive wall is built. The game is about to get interesting
WNPRIEST: For us, not for you
BQXEV: We'll see about that
WKPRINCE: Yes, you will
Move 20 - BK to G8, BR to F8 - castles
(BK slides across - his arms sticking out of the top of a metal cylinder, allowing him to pick BR up move him to new square)
BR790: Thank you Kai. By finally castling you have allowed 790 out to crush the enemy!
BNSTAN: Envy our defence now, whiteys!
Move 21 - WP to H3
BR790: Talk about bold
BNSTAN: (sarcastic) That's the smartest move I've ever seen
WKPRINCE: Wait and see before you pass judgement
Move 22 - BR to E8
BR790: That's it - send 790 into battle, right down the centre
WBVLAD: We are really worried
Move 23 - WN to D2
WNPRIEST: Just look at our centre! It's powerful and well-structured. Your pieces are scattered about in each other's way, and are too far back from the action!
WNPRIEST: Our position just gets stronger and stronger
(The board has now moved to some mossy rocks)
Move 24 - BQ to E7
(BQ hums innocently)
BRHDS: The game goes in our favour. I am finally free to kill and destroy. Our king is well protected. White controls the centre, and Black has hardly advanced from where it began
Move 25 - WK to C1, WR to D1 - castles
(WK is wearing his white outfit. He moves WR over his head)
WKPRINCE: This game is definitely one-sided
WHITES: Resign! Resign! Resign! Resign!
(The board is now on black volcanic rock, black hills behind)
Move 26 - BP to C5
WKPRINCE: A barely supported pawn attack, on a well defended centre? (laughs) We said resign, not commit suicide!
PRINCE: That move reminds me of your personal history. You lost your life leading a hopeless attack against a well defended enemy, did you not?
KAI: Yes. But this attack will allow me to recover that life
PRINCE: To do that you will have to win the game. And you are a very long way from doing that
Move 27 - WK to B1
WKPRINCE: Why not? This is an excellent move. I no longer need to fight. All we have to do is wait for the black side to self-destruct, which is exactly what they're doing!
(Board on green rocks again)
Move 28 - BP to D4 - takes WP
Move 29 - WP to D4 - takes BP
(On the Lexx, Stan is on the pedestal - and his right hand fades away)
Move 30 - BP to A5
WKPRINCE: Our centre is as strong as ever, and now one of your lone pawns dares to approach the board's halfway mark. We tremble with fear!
BQXEV: You should
BQXEV: Because Kai is playing our pieces, and he will not be defeated
(Whites laugh. Prince grins)
(The board moves back to the stony plain)
Move 31 - WN to F3
WNPRIEST: I like being a knight, especially in this game (sings) I like being a knight, especially in this game, I like being a knight, I like being a knight! I like being a knight, especially in this game, I like being a knight, I like being a knight!
WNPRIEST: The knight is the most fun piece to play. We can't go far, but we're the only ones who can jump over other pieces, and that makes us very dangerous on a crowded board, such as this one
Move 32 - BB to D7
WKPRINCE: I don't think I've ever seen a game where the enemy just moves about in its own end so much
WNPRIEST: They know they're going to lose - they're just prolonging the agony
Move 33 - WP to G4
Move 34 - BP to H6
Move 35 - WR to G1
Move 36 - BP to A4
WKPRINCE: Another puny and pathetic attack by a single pawn. But at least you're finally trying to venture down to my side of the board
Move 37 - WP to G5
WRHDS: Thank you, Prince. Make a space for me so I can destroy the black king
Move 38 - BP to G5 - takes WP
Move 39 - WB to G5 - takes BP
(Blood splashes on WB's face - she laughs)
WBVLAD: I enjoyed that
Move 40 - BP to A3
WKPRINCE: Oo, I'm really nervous. I'm being attacked by a pawn - and a truly bizarre and unsupported attack, I might add
WNPRIEST: An attack of the desperate
WNPRIEST: Don't you agree, blackies?
WRHDS: I certainly agree
Move 41 - WP to B3
BR790: I thought you were ahead
BNSTAN: Yeah, I thought the game was all yours
BR790: What a lame move
WKPRINCE: Don't be ridiculous!
WNPRIEST: We're ahead
BNSTAN: It's a bad move
BNSTAN: You should have taken our pawn
WKPRINCE: He has made your pawn part of our defence. A pawn cannot attack the piece directly in front of it, so he is now nicely blocked where he is. I have nothing to worry about
BNSTAN: Bad move, bad move, bad move!
WNPRIEST: It could be described as a cautious move, but not a bad one
Move 42 - BB to C6
Move 43 - WR to G4
WNPRIEST: Good move, my prince!
Move 44 - BB to A5
WKPRINCE: Some of the black moves have been OK, some have been bad but this is completely bizarre. Your bishop has moved one space - weakening the centre and not threatening any white pieces in any serious way. Have you run out of ideas?
WNPRIEST: Or are you simply moving your pieces at random?
WKPRINCE: Seriously, moves like this are a cause for concern - for you
BNSTAN: Kai! Kai, you do know how to play this game, don't ya?
BNSTAN: Are you gonna let us down?
BNSTAN: Are ya?
(The board is now on black rocky ground by a tiny stream, beneath an overhanging cliff)
KAI: Should I answer him?
PRINCE: If you like. But you must remember he's just a piece in a game. You're the player. He may have opinions, but he does not have ideas
(Kai leans over the board, looks at his pieces)
KAI: I will not let you down
BLACKS: Yay! Kai! Kai! Kai!
Move 45 - WP to H4
WNPRIEST: Brilliant move! Genius!
WRHDS: Well planned
WNPRIEST: My prince is an excellent chess player. Look what he has done. If your knight doesn't take our pawn he will be sacrificed for nothing!
WKPRINCE: And if he does take our pawn -
WRHDS: I will crush him, and the way will be open for me to crush your king too
Move 46 - BB to D2 - takes WN
WNPRIEST: Stupid. Absurd. Silly. Surely it is some mistake, and you intended to advance another piece! But what can I say? I'm the victim of a desperate attack by a desperate player, who thinks -
(BB's axe splits his head)
WHITES: Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!
(The board is now on grassy rocks, misty)
Move 47 - WN to D2 - takes BB
(WN moves over BB, drops his mace down on her. Blood splashes WB, then vanishes)
WNPRIEST: My prince didn't have to think long to make this move
WNPRIEST: It's payback time!
WKPRINCE: This game is finally starting to get bloody - and that's the way I like it!
Move 48 - BR to A5
BR790: Contend with me now!
Move 49 - WP to H5
Move 50 - BR to G5 - takes WB
BR790: This is going to feel so good
WBVLAD: It shouldn't. Because it is so stupid, don't you agree?
WBVLAD: I mean, I know I am an important piece, but the rook is more important, particularly in the later stages of the game. And by attacking me, Black is guaranteed to lose its rook
BR790: Who cares?! It's all worth it just for the feeling I'm about to get
WBVLAD: At least I get the satisfaction of knowing that you are next
Move 51 - WR to G5 - takes BR
(WR raises axe - drops it)
WRHDS: Hello - and goodbye
Move 52 - BN to F4
BNSTAN: Ha ha! Here I come. Hello, Bunny queen
WQBUNNY: Are you trying to kill me, Stanley knight?
BNSTAN: In fact, I am
WQBUNNY: That makes me mad. And you won't like me when I'm mad. So maybe I'm going to have to kill you
Move 53 - WQ to F3
BNSTAN: (laughs) Just kidding, Bunny queen. Can't we still be friends?
WQBUNNY: Hmm - no
BNSTAN: Hmm. Then I'm gonna have to kill one of your men
Move 54 - BN to D3 - takes WB
BNSTAN: What was that you were saying about the game going your way? I think you should apologise to Kai now
(BN moves into position over WB, drops his mace, laughs)
Move 55 - WP to D5
Move 56 - BN to D5 - takes WP
BNSTAN: I never did like you guys
(BN's mace splats WP)
BNSTAN: Oh, that feels good
WKPRINCE: The violence! Ah, the violence! Let's see where things stand now
BKKAI: We have one more pawn on the board than you, and one more minor piece
WKPRINCE: For the moment! Our pawn will take your Stanley knight on the next move
BNSTAN: You mean me?
WKPRINCE: Yes I mean you
WNPRIEST: You're history
WKPRINCE: Goodbye! And we have two rooks compared to your one, and you know how dangerous two rooks can be, once the board has started to clear out
WRHDS: As we will soon see demonstrated
WKPRINCE: And let's compare the position of the black king to me. He is threatened by my queen and my two rooks, and all that he has deployed against me is one short-hopping Stanley Tweedle knight and a blocked pawn!
BNSTAN: Watch your tongue there, Prince king, my mace has your name on it
WKPRIEST: Tweedle-deedle, face reality. We are important pieces when the board is crowded, but this board is no longer crowded. So, have a rest, take a pill, and enjoy the action from the sidelines
BNSTAN: Ha ha. Don't underestimate me
(On the Lexx, Xev is now missing her right arm and both legs, and is hovering in the air. Stan has lost his left arm, half his right arm)
STAN: My head is itchy
790: Then scratch it
STAN: Funny. Xev, help me out?
XEV: I can't move. Come
(Stan walks over to Xev, who scratches his hat)
XEV: Where does it itch?
STAN: There, near the back, yeah, yeah, yeah, OK, good, OK
(Stan looks at Xev)
STAN: Shall we say goodbye now?
XEV: I don't wanna say goodbye
(The board is now on black ground, near a snow-covered ridge)
Move 57 - WR to G1
BNSTAN: He didn't take me, he didn't take me! (laughs)
BNSTAN: What are you, a retard?!
BNSTAN: I thought Prince knew how to play this game
WKPRIEST: He does - very well. He could have taken you, Stanley knight, but instead of doing that obvious and simple move he is sending our rooks in to kill your king and end the game
Move 58 - BN to C3
BNSTAN: (laughs) Yes! We make a great team. What was that you were saying about knights not being that useful on a crowded board?
KAI: Check, I believe I am supposed to say, as your king is threatened by my knight
BNSTAN: Ha ha! How does it feel now, big boy?
PRINCE: All part of the plan. All part of the plan
Move 59 - WK to A1
BNSTAN: Being a big fat king attacked by a lowly knight
WKPRINCE: Mildly threatening, I'll admit - but only mildly
BNSTAN: The game is ours!
WNPRIEST: Don't be ridiculous
BNSTAN: He should have attacked us with his king instead of retreating into the corner. It's going to cost you the game
WKPRINCE: I suspect that he has moved me into this corner to get me out of the way, so that he can concentrate on his game ending attack against your king! After all, you can't put me in check here
BNSTAN: For a while!
WKPRINCE: Precisely - by which time the game will be over
WNPRIEST: And you will have lost!
(The board has moved back to the empty plain)
Move 60 - BB to E4 - takes WP
WQBUNNY: I don't like you being there
BBTIME: I do not like you
Move 61 - WR to G7 - takes BP
WNPRIEST: You don't have to think about it. There is only one place you can move. Into the corner
WRHDS: There are now no pieces left to protect you from me, the other Divine Shadow rook, and the white queen
WNPRIEST: I'd say you were in a spot of trouble
WQBUNNY: I think Prince is a really really good chess player!
(The sky darkens. The board is now on a snowy bank by a lake)
Move 62 - BK to H8
KAI: When you are defeated, will you deliver on your promise?
PRINCE: If you defeat me, I will - but you will not defeat me
KAI: I will defeat you
(As Kai is talking, the pieces on the board are just visible - in the right places. Top marks for whoever was doing continuity!)
KAI: How will you deliver on your promise?
PRINCE: The world of the living was never really a very good fit for me. Everyone else was alive, I was not. I never really understood how things worked. But in a universe like this (laughs) I know exactly who I am, and exactly what I can do. I can bring you back to life, so that you can have a proper death, and find the rest that you want. But (taps board) - you'll have to beat me to get that
KAI: I will beat you
PRINCE: (laughs) Well it doesn't look like that at the moment, does it? Everything's becoming rather white
Move 63 - WQ to G3
WNPRIEST: (laughs) Our two rooks are in line with our queen, and you are all alone in the corner. I think you could say that it doesn't get much worse
(The board is now on snow-covered grass, a windy plain)
PRINCE: Why did you agree to play this game? I mean, looking at your predicament now, do you think it was a good idea?
KAI: Sometimes the life essence of a Brunnen G who died made it to the Dream Zone, the time and space from where our consciousness derives. It is where my life came from, and where I would like it to return, but it can never return there, until my body has properly died
Move 64 - BB to G6
PRINCE: Aww. That is so sad - for you! (chuckles)
BBTIME: I have been sacrificed! Good luck to the rest of you
Move 65 - WP to G6 - takes BB
WNPRIEST: Yes! Your piece advantage is now gone!
WKPRINCE: And you're looking rather undefended over there in your corner, black king. There's nothing between you and four of my white pieces
BKKAI: But those four pieces are all in a line. Are you sure that that is to your advantage?
BNSTAN: No, it isn't. And hey, white king, we're here - for you!
WKPRINCE: Well that's my point exactly! Here you are, weakly pecking away at me, while your own king is undefended against a strong attack!
XEV: I will defend him
WKPRINCE: (laughs) I'm sorry - you're in the wrong place. Once again, the game is nicely going our way
(Prince leans forward, looks at Kai)
PRINCE: The game cannot last long now
Move 66 - BQ to E1
(WQ looks worried for BQ)
WQBUNNY: Aren't you going to get killed if you go there?
WKPRINCE: It's what they call a short career
WNPRIEST: Cut off in the bloom of youth!
WKPRINCE: Over before it began!
BQXEV: I do my duty willingly. I know that Kai has a good reason for my sacrifice, and he will win the game without me
WKPRINCE: Your undefended king is under a powerful attack. You have no advantage in pieces, and you're about to lose your queen. I'd say the time has come to start weeping
(Prince is walking on the snowy grass)
PRINCE: Are you ready to resign now? Are Stan and Xev mine?
PRINCE: But you will admit that I have the advantage?
KAI: Many would consider you to
PRINCE: Many?! Ha! All!
KAI: Then make your move
PRINCE: This is all so easy. First, I will take your queen
Move 67 - WR to E1 - takes BQ
(Prince sits and looks at Kai)
BQXEV: Kai will win somehow, I know it
(On the Lexx, Xev now has just her head and torso - Stan just his head)
STAN: What happens if we disappear completely?
XEV: I think that will only happen if Kai loses the game
STAN: Yeah, but if he does lose it, what then?
XEV: He won't lose
STAN: Xev - look at us
WKPRINCE: Ah, let us stop and savour the moment
BKKAI: Yes. Let us savour your mistake (smiles) WKPRINCE: Ha! Wishful thinking. We have now clearly entered the endgame, and the outcome is certain. The only question remaining is which piece gets to be lucky enough to crush your head
BR790: Vengeance is mine
Move 68 - BR to E1 - takes WR
WKPRINCE: That's a bold and desperate move
WRHDS: I served my purpose by killing your queen. I accept my fate
(No blood when WR is splatted - just black gunge. Prince looks uneasy)
WKPRINCE: I'm really trembling
BNSTAN: You should be
BNSTAN: It's getting really crowded down here
BR790: With our pieces
BKKAI: And remember the object of the game is to kill the enemy king, not take the most pieces
(WK looks worried)
WKPRINCE: It's very difficult to win the game without a queen - and you don't have one
WNPRIEST: It just doesn't work
BR790: But not always
BNSTAN: And especially not this time
(The board is on black rocks, water behind, mist blowing)
Move 69 - WQ to E1 - takes BR
BR790: I willingly sacrifice myself for the great cause. It is the most beautiful sacrifice of the game
WQBUNNY: You shouldn't have taken our piece
BNSTAN: You're playing on the wrong team, Bunny queen
Move 70 - BN to E1 - takes WQ
WQBUNNY: You're not going to kill me, are you, Stanley knight?
(BN moves into position over WQ. Prince looks at Kai. WN and WQ look at each other. BN grins, drops his mace. WN sobs)
BNSTAN: Who was it that was just bragging about having a queen advantage? (chuckles)
BNSTAN: Did Prince just start feeling sorry for us and decide to give his queen away? Or has Kai been playing a bit better than you give him credit for?
BKKAI: Or - did Prince become overconfident that he would win, and make a mistake?
(The board is now on long frosty grass, by a pool)
KAI: I remember once being under attack in a balloon where the only strategy available to me was to wait for the enemy to make a mistake - which, eventually happened
PRINCE: That strategy sometimes works. Usually it doesn't. Do not assume that it will work this time
Move 71 - WR to H7 - check
Move 72 - BK to G8
WRHDS: Too bad you can only move one square at a time
Move 73 - WP to F7 - takes BP - check
(The board moves again - black rocks, mist)
BKKAI: And now, the king defends himself!
(BK plunges a dagger into WR)
Move 74 - BK to H7 - takes WR
Move 75 - WP to F8 - turns into WQ
WQBUNNY: Hey! I'm back - and the board's wide open. Who do you want me to kill?
WNPRIEST: Because it's a sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad day, Bunny queen
BNSTAN: For you
Move 76 - BN to C2 - checkmate
(BN chuckles. WK scared)
Move 77 - WK to B1
Move 78 - BN to B1 - takes WK
(BN moves over WK, who close his eyes. BN sighs happily, drops his mace - and WK explodes in a ball of flames)
(On the Lexx, Stan and Xev's bodies reappear. They laugh, hug each other)
(The board is now on mossy rocks, by the edge of a lake)
KAI: The game is over. I have won, you have lost
PRINCE: So I have
(Prince gets up, walks away)
KAI: And now you must deliver on your promise
(Prince laughs. Kai gets up, but Prince raises his arms and disappears. Kai goes back to the moth, pushes the TV out, and takes off. He flies out of the Other Zone, back into normal space, and onto the Lexx)
XEV: What did you win?
KAI: Prince promised to return life to my body, if I won
XEV: And? Are you alive now?
KAI: No (walks away) STAN: Well the next time, you will listen to me. Prince does not keep his promises!
XEV: Maybe he will later - I hope (smiles)