(The operating theatre of a mental hospital. Poor Stan is strapped to a table, awaiting surgery. A strange looking man in surgical gown is working on a scalpel)
MAN: They make these things too sharp these days, So I have to make them duller before the surgery
STAN: What surgery?
MAN: Your surgery
STAN: But there's nothing wrong with me!
MAN: There may be nothing wrong with you, my good man, but I'm afraid you can't say the same thing about me. I was sent here fifteen years ago - not as a doctor, mind you, but as a patient - a very sick patient. Someone - and we still don't know who - got my file mixed up, and I've been practising medicine here ever since. And you know what?
STAN: No-one ever notices?
MAN: No-one ever notices! So - what'll it be first? The lobotomy - or the castration?
STAN: Somebody help me!
MAN: Oh, this is a mental hospital. Make all the noise you want - I do(starts singing) STAN: Somebody help me!
(Just then, Kai and Xev walk into the operating theatre. Kai's brace knocks the scalpel out of the man's hand)
STAN: Oh, thank you Kai!
KAI: You are welcome
STAN: Good timing
XEV: Hi Stanley
(Xev starts undoing the restraints)
MAN: You can't be allowed to do this
STAN: Boy, am I ever glad to see you two
(The man bends down, picks up the scalpel, and rushes at Kai. Kai fires his brace through his heart, and blood spurts out. The man staggers through the operating theatre doors, and two armed guards see him. They open fire, so Kai kills them as well. Alarms start to sound)
XEV: Come on, Stanley
(Stan pulls his uniform back on, and they leave the building)
STAN: We gotta get up to the Lexx right away. See, I was doing it with Lyekka - well, not really but almost, and then the key went into her, and that stupid boyfriend of hers stole the moth, and they're probably stealing the Lexx right now. We gotta get up there, right away
(As they are walking along the street, a yellow car pulls up behind them. The driver, Uther, is English, and wearing druid robes)
UTHER: The Dark Man! The Red Fool! The Dead One! I knew it!
(He stops the car)
UTHER: My name is Uther, and my journey is complete
(He makes some sort of strange hand gesture, and gets out)
STAN: That's really nice for you, pal
UTHER: Well, not entirely complete, but this is right magic, this is
STAN: Well that's really good but listen, you wouldn't happen to know a way off this planet would you? See, we gotta get up to the moon really soon
UTHER: (laughs) Um, I would, yeah. Jump in
(They get into the back of the car and drive off, just as the police arrive at the hospital. In the front of the car is a cloaked man, who is constantly chanting. He is holding a long wooden staff, which sticks up through the car's sun roof)
STAN: Hey pal - we're still down here, the moon's up there, we're not getting any closer to it
STAN: What's so funny?
UTHER: The Red Fool - you!
STAN: Listen, you said you knew a way to the moon and we're not exactly getting any closer, so will you either "ha ha ha" get this thing flying up there right now, or we find another way to get up there without ya
XEV: Stan, this is a car. It doesn't fly
STAN: I knew that (no, he didn't) UTHER: It can't fly - but it can transport us to another vessel capable of making the journey to the moon
STAN: Well good, finally some progress getting off this planet!
UTHER: The deal is, that I bring you to a vessel capable of transporting you to the moon, if you agree to accompany me to the feast of Mograth
(Cape Canaveral. A bunch of tourists standing looking at a shuttle on the launch pad are joined by the Lexx crew and the druids)
STAN: So this is it, this is what we came for?
XEV: Why is it so big, just to get to a nearby moon?
KAI: It is a chemical powered rocket which must eject a large mass of burned fuel backward in order for it to accelerate forward
STAN: Oh yeah yeah, of course, hmm
(Xev sees a woman whose hair is twisted into a knot at the back - she tries to do the same thing with her own hair. Kai raises his arm)
KAI: Hold onto me
(They all hang on tight, and he fires his brace up the side of the shuttle. They get inside the cockpit. Kai starts flicking switches, everyone else puts their harnesses on - except Uther's cloaked companion, who doesn't get a seat)
KAI: 790? 790, can you hear me?
VOICE: This is ground control. Please leave the shuttle immediately and return to the gantry. Leave the shuttle right now and you will not be harmed
STAN: Yeah, as if we believe that!
790: Oh why, oh Kai, oh why? Why can I not always be at your grave side?
UTHER: Who's that then?
STAN: That's, er - oh, never mind
KAI: 790, we are in a space shuttle in a place called Cape Canaveral, Florida. Can you locate me?
790: Easily and always - done
KAI: 790, instruct the computers that control this shuttle to launch us immediately on a trajectory that takes us to the Lexx
790: With machine pure love I will immediately launch your deadness straight in my direction
(Men from ground control tap on the shuttle's windows. Xev blows them a kiss, and they fall off as the shuttle takes off)
STAN: Good head 790!
(Without gravity, Xev and Kai have hair floating around their faces. Cloak is also floating around the shuttle)
UTHER: Come on then
UTHER: I've now completed my part of the bargain. Now you must complete your part
STAN: Hey, wait a minute pal - so far all we've done is take off from this stupid planet. We don't even know if this, this - this tin can is gonna make it to the Lexx - we don't even know if the Lexx is still there
KAI: 790, where are you now located?
790: I am on the Lexx, of course - which is on the dark side of the Earth's moon, drifting away into space
STAN: So, er - what do you guys want with us anyway? And why do you keep calling me the Red Fool?
UTHER: Only the Red Fool would ask that. According to the ancient Druid code, when Mars and Venus disappeared from the sky, the Dark Man - (to Kai) that'd be you, guv - the Red Fool (laughs) bleeding obvious here - and the Dead One - (to Xev) hello luv - would walk the Earth
STAN: I, am not a fool. Xev is not dead. Kai is
UTHER: The Dead One is a beautiful woman, clutched in the icy hands of death
XEV: What do you mean, clutched in the icy hands of death?
UTHER: It's a bit of a puzzler, in't it? So much of our learning has been lost in the misty fog of time. We chosen few keep the faith only through little tiny fragments of ancient Druidical wisdom that's passed down through the ages. now you must accompany me to the feast of Mograth
XEV: What's the feast of Mograth?
UTHER: Well, it's a great big feast that happens once every 1500 years, in the true centre of England - the great forest of Glastonbury
STAN: A feast in a forest - oo, that sounds exciting (sarcastic) UTHER: The last one were fantastic - a real ripper
UTHER: Don't believe me, eh?
UTHER: This is not the first body I've lived in, not a chance
STAN: Look, OK - what really goes on at this feast of Mograth?
UTHER: The dead are raised to join the living, and we have a great big old nosh up with our ancestors - it's a terrific time
STAN: OK, so - we get back to the Lexx, then we can maybe talk about going to your feast of Mograth, as long as there's no funny stuff going on there
UTHER: Crikey. No funny stuff goes on at the feast of Mograth
STAN: Boy, this thing is slow
(The shuttle eventually reaches the Lexx, and is caught in the tentacles of the docking cradle. Everyone gets up to leave the shuttle)
STAN: Pretty impressive, huh?
UTHER: This spaceship might be large and powerful, but it don't have nowhere near the magic of Old Holly
XEV: Who's Old Holly?
UTHER: This, is Old Holly
(It's the name of the long wooden staff he's holding. Xev strokes it)
STAN: That, is just a piece of wood
UTHER: It's not just any piece of wood, mate. It was carved long ago from a magic holly tree in the Glastonbury forest. Put your big bug ship to shame, it would
STAN: Oh yeah, yeah, sure - can your stick blow up a planet?
(They leave the shuttle, walk through the passageway. Xev lets her hair down)
XEV: Have you always been a druid - in this life, I mean?
UTHER: The Dead One asks a lot of questions
XEV: Well, that's because this Dead One, whatever that means, is curious
UTHER: In this life I've only been a druid for - oh, about 168 moons. Before that I were Nigel Bunson from Bradford. I started out as a singer/drummer or drummer/singer in a rock and roll band - The Waterlooey Five. You could call it souped-up skiffle for the teddy boys, actually, but we definitely had a bit of the old Mersey magic, especially on Oh Candy, How Could Ya? - great tune, that were. Well, the Waterlooey Five broke up amid, you know, creative differences, but for me it were like fate, because I moved on to the supergroup - Mind Grind. You might have heard of our hit song, It's Magic Magic Baby?
STAN: No - we didn't get that one on the Cluster
(On the bridge, 790 is lying on the floor. He switches himself on and gasps - has picture of Kai on his eye screens)
UTHER: It all seems so unimportant now that I've found what I was seeking - but then one night when I were dancing around this ancient Druidic dolmen drinking some wine - well, quite a bit of wine in fact - the bird I were with slipped a little acid under me tongue
STAN: Acid? Oh, I bet that stung
UTHER: Oh, you don't know the half. It was like all me past lives opened up like flowering petals before me. The door to me past was swung wide open, and I knew, I truly knew, that I was not just Nigel Bunson, the singing drummer from Bradford, but that I had always been the knight and warrior Uther de Glastonbury
(Stan is clearly not impressed by all this)
UTHER: After I got out of rehab, I quit the band, sold me old drum kit and within a fortnight I were deciphering the runes of the ancient Druidic code, and I've been on a journey ever since, the old fool's journey, Uther's journey, seeking
(They walk onto the bridge - upside down, from 790's point of view)
XEV: Seeking what?
790: (to Stan) You're blocking my view, rotten shoes
UTHER: The Dark Man, the Red Fool, and the Dead One, you. Now I've found you
(Kai picks 790 up off the floor)
790: Who are they? And what are they doing here?
STAN: They're - oh, just never mind
KAI: Tell us, 790 - did Lyekka and a man named huff arrive on the Lexx?
790: If I stop and think about it - and I don't really know why I should - I suppose I remember two stupid people who showed up on the bridge a while ago
KAI: Did she have the key to the Lexx?
790: I wasn't really paying much attention, but I suppose so, because they did blow up a couple of planets
UTHER: There you go - Venus and Mars! Just like it were foretold
KAI: Where are Lyekka and Huff now?
790: Don't know, and don't care! They left the bridge and frankly I didn't think about them anymore. I concentrated solely on my beloved corpse (sigh) Now come on - lick me!
(Kai puts 790 back down on the floor. Stan gets up on the pedestal, and tries to activate the template - of course, it doesn't work)
STAN: Lexx - this is Stan, your captain. Can you hear me? Can you hear me, Lexx? This is your captain, whose orders you're supposed to obey, and I'm ordering you to obey me right now
(The Lexx doesn't respond)
STAN: Why why why did I let Lyekka get the key?!
XEV: Because you're a male, and you just couldn't resist her bringing you to the height of ecstasy
STAN: The Lexx is still here, so where are Lyekka and Huff? Oh wait a second - you don't think they would have gone into the cryochamber and woken up -
(He gets down from the pedestal, looks at 790)
STAN: 790, did you see Vlad on the bridge? That dead assassin woman who wants to suck the protoblood out of Kai, your Kai?
790: Thankfully, no. That I would remember
STAN: Well I think we should check out the cryochamber anyway. I wanna make sure that Vlad is frozen exactly where we left her
(They all head for the cryochamber)
UTHER: Who's this Vlad then, hey?
KAI: The source of your planet's Dracula and vampire legends, but in fact a decarbonised dead assassin from a planetoid called the Cluster. Vlad was designed to destroy other assassins in the Divine Order, like me
UTHER: (to Cloak) Yeah - pretty much what I thought
(In the cryochamber, Stan looks at Vlad's cryopod - she's still sleeping inside)
STAN:(laughs) Oh, I feel a lot better now. Lyekka and Huff - they're not on the bridge, they're not here - so where are they?
XEV: Well, the Lexx is a big ship, they could be anywhere
STAN: Yeah. Kai, can you find them for us?
KAI: I will search for them if you request
STAN: Yeah, I request! Look, anyway, can we just get out of here? I don't like being around her, not one little bit. This is just bad news. Why don't we just get rid of her, fire her off into space or something?
KAI: It is better that she remain in cryostasis until we can control the Lexx
(They leave the cryochamber - Cloak pauses, taps Old Holly on the floor. Everyone goes into the galley. Stan squeezes the nozzle but no food comes out, so Xev has a go, which works)
UTHER: Oo, you are magic Xev, d'you know that? So now - what does a love slave do?
XEV: Everything. A love slave is specially skilled in the art of pleasing a man
UTHER: You're lucky, you've got a good solid trade there, luv. I must say right now I thank the great sprites of Salisbury, 'cause I'm feeling quite pleased that I were born a bloke, in this life - thanks, great sprite
STAN: I wouldn't bother myself too much about that, Uther Bury Bury whatever, because Xev may be a love slave, but she doesn't exactly spend a whole lot of her time pleasing men!
XEV: It's not because I don't want to
STAN: Oh come on Xev, I've given you plenty of chances to throw a little pleasure my way. I don't see you exactly wearing your fingers out undoing my uniform
XEV: Well sorry Stan, but that's just you
(Stan pulls a face and walks away. Xev goes over to Uther)
XEV: See - love slaves do have special skills - but they also have special needs
UTHER: Oo, it's not right
XEV: Oh no
STAN: Er, excuse me - Lyekka, Huff? Can we -?
UTHER: I'm definitely getting a bit of the old magic in me staff
XEV: Old Holly?
UTHER: It's as near as dammit, yeah
XEV: Good strong wood excites me - but I'm tired. I think I will go and lie down for a little rest (fake yawns)
(In the cryochamber, the controls suddenly activate. Vlad's eyes glow red. Her cryopod opens, and she steps out)
(Stan, Kai and Cloak are on the bridge)
STAN: We know that Lyekka stole the key, but we don't know where she is, just that she's probably somewhere on the Lexx, which is really really big so it might take a while to find her, right?
(Kai says nothing)
STAN: Right. OK - we also know that this is a Type 13 planet in its last stages, and we wanna be as far away from it as possible when it goes. So, what I'm thinking is that rather than waiting for Lyekka to show up or for us to track her down, which could take a long time, that we find a way to start flying the Lexx away from here without her!
STAN: Well I don't know how! But the Lexx is a machine, right? Well OK, it's not completely a machine, but it's partially a machine, and 790 is a robot that was designed to operate complex machinery, so I say we just make a new key. 790! You can make a new key, right?
790: Why would I want to?
KAI: Could you, 790?
790: No. It's completely impossible. The Divine Order would never have allowed the key to its most powerful weapon to be easily replicated
STAN: OK, well look, you've got a small piece of living brain in that tin can, don't you? So why don't you interface with the Lexx, and the part of his drive that lets us fly him, without the key - on the other side of the key, if you know what I mean
(Kai sits down beside 790)
KAI: 790 - can you find the section of the Lexx's mechanical part that controls his main drive?
790: Of course
STAN: OK, well that's it! We forget about the key and we fly the Lexx without it. So where do we look?
KAI: The control drive takes up much of the Lexx's tail, so, logically we should begin looking there. You will help us (picks up 790) 790: I'd be happy to
STAN: You know 790, I admit sometimes you're useful, but one of these days I am gonna melt you down, robot head
(Xev's bedchamber. She's sitting on the bed with Uther)
UTHER: Do you know what a groupie is?
UTHER: Well, a groupie is like a love slave really - only different. She really really digs the men behind the music. And when a groupie is alone with a rock star, she gives off a certain type of vibe, or signal, which I am starting to receive right now from you, darling
XEV: And what kind of signal is that?
UTHER: A signal to start getting your kit off
(Xev laughs. They lie down)
(A moth is perched on a ledge by a sort of nerve cluster somewhere inside the Lexx. Stan, Kai and Cloak watch 790, who is inside a small hole)
790: Each of these particle accelerators is clearly given its control instructions through a single nerve that leads directly to the Lexx's brain - if you can call it that
STAN: OK, well then we'll just have to connect in after the nerve
790: There are thousands of particle accelerators, and they must all act in conjunction to drive the Lexx. I can only connect into one at a time
STAN: Well get on with it then!
(790 connects. There's a whining sound, and a light starts pulsing on the nerve)
(Parts of the Lexx's 'eyes' light up, and a small blast fires. It just misses the Earth, but burns up a satellite)
STAN: Try another one
(790 tries again - another blast, another satellite gone)
STAN: This isn't working
790: I do not have the capacity to send the type of biomechanical signals it understands. The key is a living thing that controls another living thing
STAN: Well, then we'll just have to keep searching until we find Lyekka and Huff, and get the key back from her
(Kai takes 790 out of the hole, disconnects him from the Lexx)
KAI: If they are still alive
STAN: What do you mean by that?
KAI: If Lyekka and Huff were somehow - killed, Lexx would have had sufficient time to have absorbed their bodies. There would no longer be any sign of them
STAN: Well, what or who could have killed them?
(Kai looks at Stan)
STAN: Well why didn't you mention that before?
KAI: You did not ask the appropriate question
(Kai gets into the moth)
STAN: Well, the next time something important comes up and I don't ask the appropriate question, can you please respond to the context?
(Stan gets into the moth)
KAI: The dead do not respond to context
(Vlad walks into the moth breeding chamber. She turns a moth breeder to face her - )
MOTHB: Must build more moths. Must build more moths
( - and she bites)
MOTHB: Must obey your command
(Meanwhile, back in Xev's bedchamber - )
XEV: Tell me more about your magic staff
UTHER: Well, it's kinda long, in't it? And it's very stiff - you might say it's a stiff staff
XEV: And what actually makes it so - stiff?
UTHER: A certain song'd best explain it, I think
XEV: Why did I think this might be coming?
(Uther gets up from the bed. Xev prepares herself )
XEV: Sing me a song - a good song!
UTHER: Xev -
(He pulls off his robe. Underneath he's wearing black leather trousers and vest. In the background can be heard the sounds of cheers from audiences long ago)
UTHER: Oh hottest groupie, lizard queen - are you ready to rock?
XEV: I think so!
UTHER: Are you ready to roll?
XEV: I'm ready for anything!
UTHER: Are you truly ready, little Xev, for a blast from the past?
XEV: A blast from your past!
UTHER: A classic rock and roll anthem - ladies and gentlemen, guys and gals, lovers and sweethearts (smiles at Xev) and rockers throughout the ages - I give you the number one super hit of yesteryear. The one, the only, the high priests of power chords, the Mind Grind! and It's Magic Magic Baby!
(Uther starts singing - and dancing - to the tune of Closed Behind Our Mighty Shields, from 2.18 Brigadoom)
UTHER: Can you feel, really feel, the feeling deep inside
What's it all about, when it slides in and out
It's magic magic baby
I don't know but I've been told, I've been told a lot
That the feeling you get, when you're slippery and wet
It's magic magic baby
With sleight of hand and flick of wrist, you can feel it too
With one little squeeze, it's guaranteed to please
It's magic magic baby
(Xev is really rather enjoying this - until Vlad appears behind Uther, and grabs him)
UTHER: Hey! Give up luv, I'm too old for a three way!
(Xev scrambles off the bed. Vlad bites Uther's neck, then lets him fall to the floor)
XEV: How did you get out?
(Vlad looks at her, moves closer - Xev backs away)
VLAD: Where is Kai?
(Xev moves behind one of the Lexx's columns, but Vlad follows her)
XEV: You set the cryopod to open on its own, right?
VLAD: Where is Kai?
XEV: Gone, back to Earth
VLAD: I do not believe you. And as your blood is (sniffs) different from humans', and I cannot enslave you -
(Xev looks for a way out - there isn't one)
VLAD: I will kill you
(Vlad fires her impaler into Xev's stomach. Xev gasps, looks down. Blood trickles from her mouth)
(The moth flies along a passageway)
STAN: Lexx is endless, they could be anywhere
KAI: Or nowhere. Land here
(Kai says nothing. Stan lands the moth, and they get out - it's the moth breeding chamber)
STAN: I'm getting all worried about Xev, and you wanna stop here and play tourist. We already got a moth, why do we need another one?
(Kai looks around)
KAI: These moths are dead
(He sticks his finger in a hole on one of the moths)
KAI: They have all been killed by a long sharp weapon
STAN: Like Vlad's impaler? Oh, I don't like this Kai, I don't like this one little bit. Where are all the moth breeders?
KAI: I do not know, Stanley
STAN: We should go find Xev
(They get back into the moth, fly to the bridge, then head down the passage, leaving 790 in the moth)
STAN: You keep a watch ahead, he can guard the rear, and I'll keep an eye out for anything that comes at us from the side
790: Coward! Be careful, Kai
(Xev's bedchamber. Xev is lying on her back on the bed, in a pool of blood. Kai sits on the edge of the bed, checks her neck for a pulse, closes her eyes)
KAI: She is dead
(He can't believe it)
KAI: However, she was only recently killed, as her flesh is still warm
STAN: No, no, not Xev (he sits beside her) I don't believe it, I don't believe it, I don't believe it
KAI: Xev has been killed, certainly by Vlad (he stands up) Stanley - take the moth, and fly to the Earth, but destroy the space shuttles before you go. If Vlad has killed the moth, destroy one of the shuttles, and try to make it to the Earth with the other, but Vlad must not be allowed to make it back to the planet
STAN: Well what about you?
KAI: This is my fight, Stanley. I will confront Vlad
STAN: But she's stronger than you. I mean, she was designed to defeat assassins like you, and she has protoblood
KAI: Then I will likely be defeated. Go now Stanley, before it is too late
STAN: No. No, first we freeze Xev
KAI: She is dead
STAN: Well yeah, I know that, but she's - flesh is still warm, and if we freeze her, we, then we can use the protein regenerator to fix her later
KAI: The protein regenerator is not functional
STAN: Well, we'll fix it. If we freeze her, then we'll have all the time we need. 790 can do that
KAI: It repairs damaged flesh. To bring the dead back to life is a more complicated thing, which it cannot do
STAN: We are going to freeze her before I leave
KAI: This is not the right choice for you, Stanley
STAN: Maybe not, but it's the right choice for Xev
(The cryochamber. Kai places Xev's body in a cryopod. Stan operates the controls, and it closes. Stan walks to the cryopod, looks at it)
STAN: It takes time for the cells in your body to die, right? I mean, technically she may be dead, but most of her body's still alive, isn't it?
(Kai says nothing. Stan puts his hand on the glass)
STAN: Don't worry, Xev. I'll be back. I'll get back and we'll fix you up - somehow
(Stan leaves the cryochamber. Kai follows)
(The Lexx flies low over the moon, past a lunar module)
(Vlad appears by the moth, picks up 790)
VLAD: Where is Kai?
790: Gone. Far away. He said he didn't like the Lexx and he wasn't coming back here ever again. I think he shot himself into the sun - you should go after him and do the same
(Vlad drops 790 over the edge of the bridge)
790: I love you Kai!
(Kai, Stan and Cloak walk quickly along a passageway)
KAI: I will accompany you as far as I can to the shuttle. Do not be a hero. There is nothing you can do to assist me
STAN: Don't worry, I've never been very good at being a hero!
(They walk onto the bridge - and Kai fires up at Vlad, who swoops down)
KAI: Run, Stanley
(Vlad lands on the bridge, moves behind the control pedestal. Kai tries to cover Stan and Cloak)
KAI: Leave now - fast!
STAN: Come on, we've gotta go
(Cloak holds the staff, chanting rapidly, and aims it at Vlad - she fires her impaler through him. He groans, and falls. Kai rolls across the bridge, fires his brace at Vlad, but she deflects it easily)
CLOAK: Stanley! The staff has the power. Stanley, the staff has the power!
(He drops the staff on the deck, then rolls off the edge. Stan gets into the moth, tries the controls)
STAN: Come on, come on
(And then Uther appears beside the moth)
STAN: This moth is dead
UTHER: That's right
STAN: Vlad did it. She killed Xev too. She's still out there. We gotta get away. Your buddy's dead too
(Stan looks at Uther - and sees the bite marks on his neck)
(Vlad and Kai are watching each other)
VLAD: You're a Divine Assassin - I am a destroyer of assassins. I will destroy you
(Stan tries to bluff his way out)
STAN: I'll be right back, I forgot your stick
(Uther grabs him)
STAN: Kai! Help me! Kai!
(Kai tries to head for the moth platform, but Vlad blocks him, fires her impaler. He rolls again, hides behind the pedestal)
VLAD: Why do you care about him? Why do you care about anyone, assassin?
KAI: I do not care about him
VLAD: You behave as if you do
KAI: You behave as if you cared about me
VLAD: I do care about you. I care about your destruction
(Kai readies his brace, and fires - she flicks it away. He rolls again, fires - no use)
(Uther has got Stan out of the moth, and has his arm around Stan's neck)
STAN: She's controlling you Uther, but you're still yourself. You can be yourself if you want to, just try. I did it, you can do it. You were a great warrior, remember?
UTHER: Die, Stanley, die!
(Kai rolls again, onto the edge of the bridge. Uther is choking Stan)
UTHER: Feel the magic magic baby!
(Kai fires - so does Vlad. Kai's brace kills Uther, and Vlad's impaler lodges in Kai's back)
STAN: Thank you, Kai
(Vlad draws Kai to her on a cord then amuses herself flinging him around the bridge)
(By the moth, Stan hears 790)
790: Stanley! Stanley Tweedle!
(Stan looks over the edge)
790: Tweedle! Stanley!
(Vlad is still bouncing Kai around. He falls into the well, looking exhausted)
(Stan climbs down the bridge support to get 790)
(Vlad turns Kai over onto his back - his hair falls across his face)
VLAD: Get up Kai. Use up all your strength. And then I will suck the - protoblood, out of you. And you will be - destroyed
(Stan makes it down onto the ledge. He sits beside 790, gets his breath back)
790: Stan! Kai's in trouble, terrible trouble - you have to do something!
STAN: Well, what?
790: I don't know - something! Anything! You have to get her away from him somehow
STAN: OK, well think robot head, think - what can I do?
790: I don't know. I don't know, I'm out of ideas!
STAN: Well, so am I
(He gets up)
790: Where are you going?
STAN: To the shuttle. I'm gonna blow up one, and leave in the other, if I can
790: But how will that help Kai?!
STAN: It won't, but it's what he asked me to do
790: Take me with you
790: I don't care about you, and you don't care about me. But I can't do anything for Kai here, and if we stick together we might be able to find a way
(He picks up 790)
790: We're pals, aren't we Stan?
(He starts climbing back up to the bridge)
VLAD: Mine, mine. You are mine
(Her snake thing emerges from her chest)
(Stan and 790 are now inside the shuttle)
STAN: OK, so how do I disable it?
790: Without fuel, this tin can cannot go anywhere, so all you have to do is release its remaining chemical fuel
STAN: OK, well how do I do that?
790: Press that button labelled fuel release
STAN: OK, well which one is it?
790: The red one. Third on the left above your right hand
(Stan hits the button, and laughs)
STAN: Thanks 790
(He picks him up. The fuel gushes out of the shuttle. They go into the other shuttle, and Stan locks the hatch behind them, sits in the pilot seat)
STAN: OK 790 - how do I fly this thing?
790: Press the big button, and as soon as the green light comes on, push the small lever forward, then start driving
(Stan follows the instructions, and the shuttle lifts off with a jerk)
STAN: 790, you're a pal
(And then a moth breeder gets up out of the seat behind him - and then another one. The shuttle flies erratically as they take control. One moth breeder holds his hand over Stan's eyes, while the other steers)
STAN: What are you doing? You're moth breeders, you only breed moths!
MOTHB: Must obey Vlad. Must obey Vlad
(They turn the shuttle back to the Lexx)
(Vlad is sitting on the bridge, with Kai's head on her lap. Her snake sways and hisses. Kai does not look good)
VLAD: It all comes to she who waits
KAI: I am defeated
VLAD: Yes. Last of the Brunnen G, you are defeated. It had to be so. I was built to find you and destroy you. It was just a matter of time - a long time, but still only time
KAI: What will you do now?
VLAD: You know the answer to that. I'm a destroyer. And once I have your power as well as my own, I will destroy all that is before me
KAI: You will have destroyed me. Is that not enough?
VLAD: No. You are my greatest victory, but my appetite can never be satisfied. And now I will suck your protoblood, and your time will come to an end
(The moth breeders walk onto the bridge, pulling Stan with them)
STAN: Bye Kai
KAI: Goodbye Stanley
VLAD: Time for a heart to heart
(Her snake bites into Kai's chest. The moth breeders shake. Vlad has gone rigid. The moth breeders let go of Stan, who sees Old Holly, glowing)
CLOAK: The staff has the power
(Stan grabs the staff, and plunges it into Vlad's side. The snake pulls back from Kai. Light flickers across Vlad's face, and she looks at Stan)
VLAD: You are next -
(Stan twists the staff in deeper)
VLAD: After I finish my meal
(Stan pushes again - more light)
VLAD: I worship His Shadow
(She glows, her face like a bat's - then she disappears in a puff of smoke. Kai falls to the floor. The staff disintegrates)
STAN: Old Holly
KAI: Protoblood, Stanley. Bring me my protoblood
(Later. The moth breeders, back to normal, walk across the bridge. Stan and Kai are sitting on the deck - Kai is topping up his protoblood)
790: You are a real pal, Stanley
STAN: Thanks 790 (he gets up) Never thought I'd hear those words from you
790: Don't worry - the relationship will not last
(Kai disconnects his tube from the protoblood jar)
STAN: OK, now look - now that we've saved Kai, we should all pull together, try to save Xev
KAI: Xev cannot be saved. Xev is dead
STAN: Will you please try to be a bit more positive about things?
KAI: The dead are rarely positive about things
(The cryochamber. Stan switches off the protein regenerator, gently takes the connections off Xev. The hole made by Vlad's impaler is gone. but Xev is still dead)
790: OK, let's give up and eject her into space - in a dignified way, of course
(Stan looks at Xev)
STAN: We are not giving up
790: We have repaired her damaged flesh and she's still dead, so that's it. We're done. Job over. Trash the bitch
STAN: We're not trashing her, we're gonna bring her back to life
STAN: I don't know. All I know is I want her back, alive
KAI: What you want is beyond the realm of the possible
STAN: Well - then let's try the impossible
KAI: Which is - ?
STAN: I don't know! I don't have any bright ideas right now, OK? She's my friend, and I want her back, and that's all
KAI: I understand, Stanley (the dead understand?!)
(Stan puts his hand on Xev's shoulder)
STAN: She looks so peaceful
790: Can't we just eject her into space?
(Stan looks at 790, but can't say anything. He looks back at Xev, so sad)
STAN: Goodbye Xev
(He starts to cry, turns away)
(The Lexx flies through space. The cryopod closes on Xev)