(Fire. A moth flies over the desert. Stan and Kai are looking for Xev, who is currently perched on some metal scaffolding sticking out, from Hogtown. She is singing Yo A O)
STAN: You think she's still alive? I mean, that she actually could have survived?
STAN: Who? Xev! The real Xev, not the Prince Xev, I mean, the Xev that was Prince in Xev's body
KAI: She may be alive. She may not. We do not know for certain either way
(The moth flies around Hogtown, and passes below Xev. She stops singing when she hears the moth chirrup, and looks down)
XEV: Kai? Stan?
(She tries to move, calls out weakly)
XEV: I'm up here. I'm up here
KAI: There are no footprints in the sand
STAN: Well, if there are no footprints, that means she must still be in the city, right?
STAN: Well if there are no footprints she has to be here
KAI: They have balloons on this planet - and we do not know if Xev is still alive
STAN: (smiles) Oh yes we do
(He points up. The moth flies up to Xev, hovers beside her. Stan opens the door)
XEV: Hi guys. Took you long enough
STAN: You want some water?
(He throws her a very organic looking water bottle. She drinks, and he smiles)
(Back on the Lexx. Xev is showering, while Stan is ranting)
STAN: I'm tired, Xev. I'm tired of being stuck here, and I'm tired of being captain of this ship and I'm just - look, I just wanna find some place with a little bit of peace and quiet. Now is that, is that too much to ask?
(He looks at her, and she motions for him to turn around)
STAN: I mean, we've been looking for a new home all this time, right? And are we any closer to finding it? And suppose we do break out of this orbit, what then? I mean, where are we gonna go, what are we gonna do, hmm? Are we gonna find someplace better? (laughs) Or are we just gonna get eaten by something terrible?
XEV: What are you saying, Stanley?
STAN: What I'm saying, Xev, is that the Light Universe is gone, and now we're in the Dark Zone, the universe of evil and chaos and depravity. And maybe, the water planet is as good as it gets here
(They walk onto the bridge. Stan is still going on)
STAN: Look, if there is a city down there that's OK, then we won't have to run anymore!
XEV: Yeah, till that place gets attacked by balloons from Fire
STAN: Well, Kai'll protect us. You will, won't you Kai?
KAI: Until my protoblood runs out. And - (he walks over to them) I cannot protect the both of you all the time unless you stay together, all the time
(790 wheels his trolley up to Kai)
790: Protect me, stud muffin!
STAN: (laughs) Yeah, that's gonna happen
(Stan gets up on the pedestal and activates the template. Xev sits down on the well and starts filing her nails with a piece of bone)
LEXX: Yes, Stan?
STAN: I know your stomach is empty, but I'm asking you, as a personal favour - do you think that you could muster enough energy to just, just get us out of this terrible part of the universe?
LEXX: I cannot fly anywhere until I eat something. I'm sorry, Stan
STAN: 790, look, how long ids it before Lexx's orbit decays completely and we crash into one of those two planets?
790: We will crash in 151 hours
STAN: OK Lexx, look, just, just how much food do you need to break out of this orbit?
LEXX: A lot, Stan. I cannot fly till I eat a lot of food, Stan. I am very very hungry
STAN: Yeah, yeah
(He sits down at the base of the pedestal)
XEV: Kai - you said the cities on Water all had lots of food
KAI: They do - but I do not know if we can transport enough in time to get the Lexx out of this orbit before we crash
790: Kai - you propel me out of my orbit. Oooooh!
KAI: Thank you, 790
XEV: Well - we're running out of time, so we should make a decision, soon
STAN: I don't know, OK? I don't know, I don't know what decision to make, all right? Except that I gotta sleep on it, that's my decision, OK?
(Stan walks off the bridge)
790: (yawns) I want to go to bed too, Kai
KAI: You do not sleep, 790
790: Who said anything about sleep?
(Xev throws her towel over 790)
(Stan is asleep in his moth bed, dreaming of a beautiful forest, with flowers floating in the air. He is holding a flower, pulling the petals)
STAN: Yes she does - no she doesn't. Yes she does - no she doesn't. Yes she does (laughs) No she doesn't
(Lyekka appears, dressed in white and looking very pretty)
LYEKKA: Yes she does
STAN: Hi, Lyekka
LYEKKA: Hi, Stanley
(Stan hands her his flower)
STAN: Oh, I missed you
LYEKKA: I missed you too
STAN: Are you alive?
(She starts pulling petals off the flower)
STAN: Is this - am I having a dream?
LYEKKA: Yes! Isn't it wonderful?
(She does a twirl. Stan laughs)
STAN: Yeah. Lyekka, I was thinking - umm -
STAN: Well, you're a plant, right?
STAN: And you're smooth right round the bend
LYEKKA: I am smooth right round the bend
STAN: So that means that you can't make love in a normal human kind of way
LYEKKA: No Stan. I cannot (smiles) STAN: Do you think you could, in a creative way?
LYEKKA: What do you mean, Stan?
STAN: Well I mean, a woman can make a man feel good - if she wants to - you know, she does certain things, right
LYEKKA: I want to make you feel good, Stan
STAN: Oh, OK
(Lyekka licks her lips. Stan licks his lips)
STAN: I'm ready
(Lyekka opens her mouth - just a little bit too wide. There is a growling sound)
STAN: What was that?
LYEKKA: I'm hungry, Stan. And I want to make you feel really good
(Her mouth opens waaaay too wide. She bites - and Stan wakes with a start)
STAN: Dream. Just a dream. Oh
(He lies back down - well, most of him does)
(Stan, Xev and Kai take a moth down to Water)
XEV: Stan, what's the priority? Food for Lexx, or finding a new home?
STAN: What about both?
XEV: We have to choose
STAN: Well, you know Xev, I'm not really good at this choosing thing
XEV: Kai - I know you don't have wants, but what do you think we should do?
KAI: I think you should make a choice that brings you happiness
STAN: Well, that's really helpful, Kai. Thanks a lot, pal
(The moth flies past ships laden with fruit, then flies low over the water beneath a domed city. Part of the city has huge glass greenhouses and well tended lawns, flower beds)
STAN: Well, Xev - there's our big pile of food
(There are three female gardeners, wearing short red/orange/yellow pinafores, striped stockings, gloves and straw hats. They are singing as they work)
ALL: Garden, it does give, give, give
Garden, it does live, live, live
Fruits and plants, blooms so sweet
Garden gives good things to eat
All the whole day long
Garden, it does give, give, give
(The moth lands near the flower bed. They get out, and the gardeners - Lily, Tulip and Daffodil - curtsey to them. Stan curtseys back, and laughs)
STAN: This could be the place
(Lily leads them through a vast greenhouse. Lush trees, brightly coloured fruits, very unusual flowers. Stan is munching on a piece of fruit)
LILY: There are many cities on Water. Here we grow food for all of them
XEV: How many of you grow food?
LILY: Oh, there's myself, Tulip, and Daffodil. I guess there's just the three of us, right now anyway, I think
KAI: And the ships are yours?
LILY: The ships deliver the food to the other cities
XEV: What do you get in return?
LILY: In return?
XEV: Yeah, I mean, you're sending all this food out, don't you ever get anything back?
LILY: (laughs) On Garden we like to grow food. The beautiful Garden gives, Xev. It makes us happy
(She hands Xev a large purple poppy, which Xev takes and sniffs enthusiastically)
STAN: Er - just out of curiosity, er, you said there were just the three of you. Are there any males?
LILY: Of course!
LILY: Everywhere! The soil is very fertile here
STAN: Yeah, I bet
LILY: It's eager to nurture. To make things rise up and grow, strong and thick
STAN: Yeah, it's working for me
LILY: It makes us happy
STAN: Bet I could be made to be happy too
(Later. Xev is trying to talk to Stan, but he's watching Tulip and Daffodil at work)
XEV: If we get all our moths down here, we might have enough food for the Lexx
STAN: Yeah, we might
XEV: But I think we have to start now
STAN: I agree, except -
STAN: Well, Xev, look around you! I mean, it's a beautiful city. We got all the delicious food you could ever want, attractive people, I mean, what's the hurry?
(He waves at Daffodil. She waves back. So does Tulip)
XEV: Less than 150 hours is the hurry, if you remember
STAN: I don't care about that anymore
(The plants shoot pollen into the air. Daffodil is busy watering. Kai walks up to her)
KAI: Daffodil - where are your men?
DAFF: Well - everywhere
KAI: Where is everywhere?
(Daffodil holds a flower)
DAFF: This is a male, see? It has a stamen. And, this is a female. You know, some of the plants are both male and female at the same time, but - I like them all
KAI: You are a female, are you not?
DAFF: Yes. I think so
KAI: So - there are male plants but no male humans on this city
DAFF: No, I suppose not
KAI: Stanley will be happy to hear that
(Daffodil picks a flower and gives it to Kai)
DAFF: We like dead things
(She tucks his hair behind his ear)
DAFF: Well, when things die here, we put them back into the soil - so that they can help create new life. You can help us create new life
(Lily is humming as she works. Stan walks up behind her)
STAN: Hey Lily, really like this place you got here
LILY: I like it too
STAN: Yeah. Very attractive
LILY: It's full of beautiful flowers
STAN: Yeah. The kind of flowers you'd like to pluck
(He laughs. Lily carries on watering)
STAN: I'm not making you feel uncomfortable, am I?
STAN: You know, since I'm gonna be around for a while, maybe I should tell you a little something about myself. Well, you see, I'm just a guy, you know, with hopes and dreams, big heart, sense of adventure. Sometimes I'm attracted to beautiful things
LILY: Like, flowers?
STAN: Yeah, yeah. Like flowers - Lily! (laughs) Yeah, but you know, sometimes even in a great big beautiful bouquet there's just one flower that stands out apart from all the rest
LILY: Oh, I know what you mean. There's always one plant that you love more than all the others, that you want to touch, to stroke, and love all to pieces
STAN: I know exactly what you mean
LILY: You do?
STAN: Yeah. I wanna water your garden, Lily. Can I do that?
(She hands him her watering can. This was not quite what Stan had in mind)
STAN: This could take a while
(Later. Stan joins Kai and Daffodil)
STAN: Hey! Dead man. How's it going?
KAI: There are no male humans on this city - only male plants
STAN: What do you mean, there's just you, me and Xev -
KAI: And the three female gardeners
STAN: That's all?
KAI: That appears to be all, yes
STAN: Oh (smiles) Oh, I'm sorry to hear that - for Xev's sake
(He grins, and walks away. A blue parrot lands on Kai's shoulder)
(More flowers shoot pollen into the air. Tulip waves at Stan, and he waves back. Xev walks up behind him)
STAN: Well, there are no men here
XEV: You're right. I don't want to stay
STAN: No? No problem. I resign. You can be captain of the Lexx. Look - I found a place that I really really like, OK? You can too. I'm sure there's some city that's just right for you somewhere on this planet
XEV: What about Kai, where does he go? I mean, he can't protect us both if we're in two different places, right? And these two planets are at war
(But Stan is more interested in watching Tulip)
XEV: Stan - why don't we just get as much food as we can and go back to the Lexx and find a planet that suits us both?
STAN: I'm happy here!
(He walks away, then turns)
STAN: Look, Xev, I mean it, I resign. OK, you know, take the moths, take food back to the Lexx, I don't care!
XEV: (sighs) I don't have the key
STAN: Well - you know what you've got to do to get it
(He grins. Xev walks over to him, runs her hand up his chest - and grabs his throat)
XEV: It can always be passed on the edge of death, remember?
STAN: So what are you gonna do Xev? Kill me?
XEV: Maybe I should
(She lets him go, and leaves. Stan shakes his head)
(Xev has gone looking for Kai)
XEV: Kai? Kai!
XEV: Where are you?
KAI: Over here
(Xev walks into a pillared clearing. Kai is buried in a flower trough, with only his face sticking out of the soil. The parrot is nearby)
KAI: Xev - if you want to feed the Lexx you must go back now, and return with as many moths and moth breeders as are ready
XEV: What are you doing?
(Xev crouches down, leans her arms on the edge of the trough)
XEV: Why are you buried in the dirt?
KAI: It is - the natural way of all dead things
XEV: So you're just going to stay in the soil until - what? Until you rot?!
KAI: Unless you request otherwise. But as I am decarbonised, it could take some time
XEV: I'm leaving
(She gets up)
KAI: Where are you going?
XEV: I don't know. Somewhere, better than this place
(Sunrise. More pollen. Tulip is watering plants. Stan checks his breath, then walks up behind her. She bends over and he puts his hand on her bottom - no reaction. He tries both hands - still nothing)
STAN: Do you mind if I, um -
(She stands, turns to face him)
TULIP: I want to give you something. Is that OK?
STAN: Oh yeah. Oh yeah, it's OK
TULIP: It's juicy -
STAN: Oh yeah
TULIP: And it's sweet
STAN: Ooo, I like sweet
TULIP: And it's slippery
STAN: I really like slippery
TULIP: And it's soft
TULIP: And it's ripe
STAN: OK. Let's get started
(He closes his eyes)
STAN: Ready ready ready
(He puckers up)
TULIP: Take a bite
(She shoves a slice of melon into Stan's mouth. He opens his eyes)
STAN: Well yeah, I've had these before and, um -
TULIP: I wanted you to have it
STAN: Er - thanks. Is there anything else that you wanted to give me? Hmm?
TULIP: Yeah. Later
(She walks away, laughing)
(Xev is crouched beside a stream, twirling her purple flower in the water, and singing angrily)
XEV: Garden it does live live live!
Garden it does give give give!
(She seems sad. There are some strange mushrooms growing nearby - dark brown with blue spots. She takes one and eats it)
(Meanwhile, Stan prepares to try his charms on Daffodil, who is watering flowers)
STAN: I'm ready. Are you?
(He takes hold of her and kisses her, but she's more interested in watching her flower grow)
DAFF: Oh wait, it's growing
STAN: You got that right
DAFF: I like it when they grow fast. Very fast
STAN: Mmm, ditto
(He puts his hand on her breast)
STAN: I want you. I want you now
DAFF: You want me?
STAN: I want to plant my seed in your garden
DAFF: Oh, OK
(She turns around, bends over - )
STAN: Oh yeah
(Then she turns back, and hands him some seeds)
DAFF: Like this. Every one about this far apart. That way they grow the best
STAN: (laughs) No no. I want you, to do to me, what I know you want to do
(He puckers up - she waters him, and smiles)
STAN: Thank you. Thank you. That's good
(Later. Stan walks over to Kai's trough)
KAI: Hello Stanley
STAN: How's your decomposition going?
KAI: Oh, the process of decomposition is a very long one. Once my protoblood fails, my body will very gradually return to the earth in the form of inorganic basic compounds
STAN: Well, whatever makes you happy
KAI: It does not make me happy
STAN: You're very strange, you know that?
(He walks away)
(Xev waves her flower, and it seems to leave a trail in the air. She looks down at the fish in the stream)
XEV: What do you think I should do?
(She looks at her reflection, and sees a Cluster lizard. Then a shot of red haired Xev watching Kai sing (2.18 Brigadoom), blue haired Zev dying (2.2 Terminal), the original Zev (1.1 I Worship His Shadow), a teenage Xev, a baby Xev in a box. A voice echoes in the background
MATRON: Xev of B3K. Xev of B3K. Wrong. The correct answer is - always flatter your man. Never admit his failings. Good baby
(There is a shot of Xev staggering around the bridge (2.17 The Net), then images of Stan - wired up in the cryopod (3.8 The Key), watching her die (2.2 Terminal), with the spider creature coming out of his mouth (2.17 The Net)
STAN: I want you. Touch me, touch me, touch me, come on!
(Then images of Kai - looking at Zev after killing His Divine Shadow (1.1 IWHS), smiling on stage (2.18 Brigadoom), lurking on the bridge of the Lexx (2.10 Wake the Dead)
KAI: Xev - I was thinking of you. I want you. I want you - right now
(Xev sighs, and rocks herself)
(Elsewhere in Garden - )
STAN: OK, Lily, I'm desperate, OK? I'll plant your seeds, I'll water your garden, I'll hoe your row. I'll do anything, humiliate myself, anything! Just answer me one question - do you actually know what sex is?
LILY: Sex is when a female plant is fertilised by a male plant, and a new plant is created
STAN: Do you know anything about sex between people?
(Lily just laughs at this)
STAN: Yeah, what a concept. Look, I wanna teach you about sex between people, I want you to learn that, OK, can you do that?
LILY: If I can
STAN: OK. Good. This is how it goes
(He gives her a big sloppy kiss on the cheek. She just stands there)
STAN: See, it takes two to do this. I can't do it all by myself, you gotta help, OK?
LILY: OK. That's how to do it
(She puts her arm around him and he kisses her again. She really doesn't have a clue)
STAN: This is not making me happy
LILY: I know how to make you happy
STAN: Yeah, how?
LILY: I could give you a nice plant
STAN: You know, right now, I'm not that interested in plants
LILY: But that's what we do here on Garden. We grow plants to make people happy!
STAN: Women, with no clothes on, very very close to me - that makes me happy. But plants, you know, that doesn't make me happy
LILY: Surely we could create a plant that would make you happy, at least a bit?
STAN: You know, right now I can honestly say, more than ever before, that there is no kinda plant that you can - (thinks) Any kind of plant?
LILY: Any kind you have ever seen
STAN: Yeah, but how?
LILY: We can take it from you - from your dreams
(Later. Stan is sitting with the gardeners, who are now wearing bikinis made of flowers, with thin veils draped from their waists. The girls are chanting)
ALL: Grow garden, grow garden, dream garden, dream
(Lily puts a garland of flowers around Stan's neck)
STAN: Do I have to?
ALL: Grow garden, grow garden, dream garden, dream
Grow garden, grow garden, dream garden, dream
Grow garden, grow garden, dream garden, dream
(Lily takes a plate of the strange mushrooms and hands it to Stan)
LILY: Let the garden dream
LILY: Stanley - let the garden dream
(Stan takes a mushroom, bites it, but doesn't like it. She hands him a flask to drink from. The gardeners are all sitting cross legged opposite Stan - swaying, leaving a trail behind them. Stan gets sleepy, closes his eyes. Flowers are floating in the air. Lily gets up, moves her hands in front of Stan's face, and catches something glowing. She walks behind Stan, and plants it in the soil. She smiles)
LILY: The beautiful Garden gives
(She takes her place back with the others. As Stan sleeps, a plant starts to grow. The gardeners are rocking, moaning, gasping. The plant grows a huge yellow flower. It opens, and a woman stands up, stretches - it's Lyekka. She's wearing a white and orange dress, and a cap with flowers on top. Stan wakes, turns and sees her)
(He goes over to her)
STAN: Oh, Lyekka. I was just dreaming about you
LYEKKA: I'm happy you dreamt about me
(Stan kisses Lyekka's cheek. The gardeners smile at her)
LYEKKA: I'm hungry
(She licks her lips and moves toward the gardeners, but Stan stops her)
STAN: No, Lyekka, no no. I know you need protein, but I don't want you to eat them, OK? I want you, I want you to teach them how to please a man, in creative ways
(Lyekka taps his nose)
LYEKKA: I like you Stan
(Stan laughs. She heads for the gardeners again, but he shows her some worms on the ground)
STAN: Oh look, Lyekka - hey, I bet those taste good, huh?
(She points at the gardeners, but he shakes his finger at her. They go and visit Kai)
KAI: Hello, Lyekka
LYEKKA: He's dead
(Not interested, she walks away)
STAN: You got that right. So - how's it going now, pal?
KAI: Same as ever
STAN: Same as ever. Lyekka? Lyekka?
(Lyekka has found Tulip)
LYEKKA: I like it in here. And I like you
TULIP: You do? Oh, you're my favourite plant ever! I'll do whatever you want
(She kneels before Lyekka, who strokes her)
LYEKKA: You look really tasty
TULIP: I do?
(She stands up, excited)
LYEKKA: I want to eat you
TULIP: Oh, you do?
LYEKKA: You know, I'm a very hungry plant
TULIP: Oh, I want to make you happy, I really do. You're a very beautiful plant
LYEKKA: Thank you
TULIP: I want to make you happy. I want to make you happy
LYEKKA: But - who will look after the garden?
TULIP: Oh, another gardener will come, and she will want to make you happy too
LYEKKA: Touch me
(She holds out her hand. Tulip touches it. There is a flash, and Tulip is gone. Her hat drops to the ground. Lyekka is licking her fingers as Stan arrives)
LYEKKA: Mmm. This place is yummy
STAN: You ate her!
LYEKKA: She was delicious - but the worms were not very tasty, Stan
(A new gardener arrives)
DAISY: Hi. My name's Daisy
(She picks up Tulip's watering can, and walks away, watering as she goes)
STAN: Hi. Er, there were, there -
LYEKKA: She's the new gardener
STAN: New gardener. Oh. Well that's nice
(Xev joins them, still looking a bit spaced out)
(They hold up their hands to each other, but don't touch)
XEV: What's going on, Stan?
STAN: Well, um - Lyekka's here now, and she's going to teach Lily and Daffodil to, umm, you know, make a man feel good. Wanna lesson?
XEV: No, thank you. I'm leaving
(She starts walking away, down to the bridge)
LYEKKA: I don't want you to leave, Stan
STAN: Oh no, no, I'm going to stay here with you Lyekka. Definitely
XEV: (calls back) I'm taking Kai!
STAN: Well go ahead, take him. He's not doing much here anyway. And Xev, I'm sure there's some stud farm town somewhere here on this planet that will keep you busy
XEV: I'm sure there is
(Lyekka walks away. Stan follows)
STAN: The garden gives. Oh, Lyekka. I like-a Lyekka
(Xev stands on the bridge, and throws her flower onto the stream)
XEV: I'm leaving
(She goes to get Kai, who is still buried)
XEV: I'm going back to the Lexx. I'm going to get 790, and then I'm going to find the right place for me to live, on Water
(She crouches down - the parrot moves aside for her)
XEV: I want you to come with me Kai. Then we could find a place for us to live together
KAI: There is no right place for the dead - to live
(Xev nods. She gets up and walks away)
KAI: Goodbye Xev
(She looks back, but says nothing. She leaves)
(Stan is reclining with Lyekka, while Lily and Daffodil feed him fruit)
STAN: Lyekka. I like Lyekka (laughs) More, more, more! (laughs)
(He sees Xev watching them)
STAN: Xev! Here
(He throws her some fruit)
STAN: I was just thinking. We've been through a lot together, haven't we? You and me, Kai, robot head, the big bug
XEV: Yes. I'll say goodbye to the Lexx for you
STAN: Yeah, thanks Xev
(He eats some more fruit)
XEV: I'll miss you Stan
STAN: (mouth full) I'll miss you too Xev. Say, maybe you can find a place nearby, you know, and be neighbours, come visit each other from time to time, hmm?
XEV: Yeah, maybe
STAN: Hey, who ever would've thought that, when we met each other, way back there on the Cluster, things'd work out, you know, so well? After all the crazy things we've been through
STAN: I just wanna say thanks, Xev
(And now her chin is wobbling)
STAN: So, I guess this is goodbye
LYEKKA: I don't like goodbyes, Stan
XEV: Sometimes you have to say goodbye
(Stan looks at her)
XEV: But it's late in the day, and maybe I'll take off first thing in the morning
(Stan gets up. Xev wipes her nose. He walks up to her)
(He looks at her)
(They hug - awwww!)
(Xev is lying in a bed - not sleeping, and looking sad. Elsewhere, Stan is lying on a bed of ferns with Lyekka. He strokes her chin)
STAN: You really do like me, don't you Lyekka? I mean, as a person, not as a - something to eat?
LYEKKA: Yes. I like you
(He laughs, and lies back with his hands behind his head)
STAN: OK, I'm ready - make me happy
(But Lyekka turns her head, sniffs the air)
LYEKKA: I'm hungry
STAN: Er - well, yeah!
LYEKKA: I'll be right back, Stan
(She walks away)
STAN: Ready, steady - hey Lyekka, don't be long!
(He looks down, grins)
STAN: We've got company!
(Lyekka has found Lily, Daffodil and Daisy)
(They bow, and place their hands on top of each other. She touches them - there's a flash, and the gardeners are gone. Lyekka licks her lips, and heads back to Stan)
(In the night sky above Garden, balloons appear - a lot of balloons. In his trough, Kai is singing Yo A O. Men start sliding down ropes from the balloons)